Friday, December 24, 2004

Peace on Earth and goodwill towards all men

God bless you all dear bloggers. Here's wishing you a peaceful Christmas.

"For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour,
which is Christ the Lord;"        (Luke 2,11)

Holy Land, Bethlehem History.



The imprisonment of long term chronic illness and loneliness is getting to me these past few days. I shall be glad when it is all over. Christmas I mean. I think. Although I wouldn't be at all disappointed if I went to sleep and never woke up again. I am always very grateful and appreciative of people's kindness and all the help I am given. But at times it is just does not seem worth it. Solitary confinement is no kind of life at all. My battle is unknown. There is no treatment or cure. They put animals down for lesser suffering. At least I have Ophelia to keep me company. If only she could speak ...


This is the first year I can recall not sending Christmas cards. And the first time I have let Christmas pass me by. I've done everything I can to try and avoid any thoughts of it incase it gets me too down. TV is the biggest reminder. Media really stokes up Christmas in a really crass way. When I watch the TV commericals they sound so loud and grabby - pressuring people into being manic about buying - brainwashing people into thinking much stuff makes for a happy Christmas. Health is the key. With health you have choices. Without health you have few choices and lose your freedom to lead any kind of life.

In the Autumn I made the decision after three of the most awful months of the year (too many home maintenance things going on) when the whole business of organising food became a major problem.

Instead of Christmas, I decided to get a guest room re-decorated. I could not manage to organise both. And decided it's better I achieve something constructive rather than spending three months of energy to organise Christmas and another three months getting over it. There is always something that needs to be done. I am simply not getting enough rest. So I have spent time and thought on ways to streamline day to day life even further.

Each time I introduce something new, I think I'll have this whole M.E. thing cracked -- but no matter what, the illness is always there. But even when I do manage to reduce the pain and other symptoms, it leaves me with a whole range of other problems, ie yearning to go out and knowing if I do, I can't manage when I get back. The suffering is so great for weeks or even months afterwards, it is not worth it - and I believe it is not the way to recover. Like picking at a scab without giving it a chance to heal.

I've not been out since March 2003 and am still horizontal 23.5 hours a day. I think I look awful. Some say I am looking better. But it's all in the eyes. My eyes look like I've not slept a wink in a week. They have lost their sparkle and vitality. They look ill in an invalid/housebound sort of way. Once in a blue moon I get a window of well being - it does not last for long - some times just 24 hours - once it lasted for three weeks - and then they don't look ill anymore. So it's not permanent, if I recover.

Thanks to the help of a friend six weeks ago I have started a whole new food regime that is helping to reduce the symptoms. Also, thanks to cash gifts from my mother last Christmas and birthday, I've had a new dishwasher and an additional 3-drawer freezer installed. Bought them over the phone. The dishwasher is a slimline Hotpoint for 7 place and works really well. The ready made meals are prepared by a wonderful whole food store that uses its own fresh organic produce. My friend goes shopping for a whole range of dishes and brings them on a visit for my new freezer. I just take one out the night before and pop it in a hot oven (the meals are served in foil trays) for 40 minutes on a tray lined with foil (saves on washing up). The meals are substantial. Soon I will be getting the hang of the new regime and preparing side salads and veg etc., for each meal. Cutting down on cooking and managing people to cook has made a huge difference in reducing my symptoms. But as soon as I start something extra, like walking up and down more than usual or sitting on a stool to plant winter bulbs in my garden troughs, the symptoms return with a vengeance. I rest straight away so it doesn't take weeks for the symptoms to reduce.

This past month, I've been all out of sync with fruit and vegetable deliveries. Have not placed any orders and have hardly eaten any fresh greens this past month. In the new year I shall purchase a new fruit and veg juice extractor, bordering on industrial strength this time (my other new one lasted less than six months, juicing carrots did the motor in). More on this after I've browsed the net for some tips on juice extractors to post here. Meanwhile, if any readers can recommend tried and tested juice extractors that ideally take whole or halved fruit (no chopping into small chunks) any pointers would be most appreciated.

I shall try and write more here over the Christmas/New Year - as a diary entry - to look back on this time next year.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Ingrid

I want to wrap you up in a big hug.

Much love

Michael - who also has a new dishwasher thanks to his mother and is so grateful for it.

December 24, 2004  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Christmas greetings Michael, what a wonderful thing for you to say. It came as a wonderful surprise and meant a lot. And stayed with me for the rest of the day. Thank you. Big hug and much love to you too.

December 25, 2004  
Blogger Ingrid said...

Sorry, I did not mean for the previous comment to be anonymous. I forgot there is a button that needs pressing to ID name.

December 25, 2004  

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